I was thinking last week, “what’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned from marriage?”
I learned it two or three years into our marriage, and it fundamentally changed my perspective on relationships — even workplace relationships.
This was the lesson:
***None — NONE — of our problems are between us. They are problems that each of us has with our own past.***
They are problems that we each “bring” into the relationship.
“Between”us, there are no problems.
That shift made us realize that we are ALWAYS on the same side — because no problem is “between” us.
This is why it’s extremely important for each of us to take the ongoing project of self-discovery and self-awareness seriously — for the sake of ourselves, and for the sake of our relationships.
As James Hollis wrote, “The truth about intimate relationships is that they can never be any better than our relationship with ourselves.”
Problems aren’t between us. They’re within each of us.
We, are on the same side.
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