Feeling are facts!
This is the first big lesson I learned in therapy, and it completely changed my life!
So often, in our efforts to resolve disagreements quickly (because we are humans & like to avoid conflict) we, consciously or inadvertently, question the other person’s feelings.
For example - think about a typical marital or relationship “argument”:
Person A: “What you did upset me.”
Person B: “Oh baby, don’t be upset! [Insert explanation.]”
One time, I was doing this in a session, and as the therapist was explaining it, the thought slowly crystallized in my mind.... “Feelings are facts!” I started whispering; “Feeling are facts!” “Feelings are facts!” “Feeling are facts!”
Apparently I was saying it louder and louder each time; when I looked up, the room was quiet & everyone was staring at me!
But such was the power of this realization:
When people *feel* something, the feeling has already occurred. It’s a FACT. It EXISTS.
The first thing you can (and should) do is to acknowledge its existence; and to give it, at least, the due respect you’d give any *fact*.
Feelings are not just “feelings”; they’re facts!